


Don't Fear the Reaper

by santa_teresa



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: And not very nice, Ben is Still Kind of an Ass, Dark, Dom/sub Undertones, F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Pregnancy Kink kinda, Space Romeo and Juliet but I go there, The Force is Sentient (Star Wars), Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:28:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27228097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/santa_teresa/pseuds/santa_teresa
Summary: Alone and in *pain*, Rey ponders her next move.This story contains potentially triggering suicidal ideation, and implies a major character suicide. Please, I beg you, do not read if you are even a little sensitive to this topic.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	Don't Fear the Reaper

I

She came here to start anew. She listened to her friends when they told her she was a new hope for the galaxy. There was euphoria at having ended such a phenomenal threat. Elation at learning that her friends were safe. Adrenaline course-course-coursing through that force-driven body.

Does the force provide grace? Does it _bless_ , lead, and guide?

Rey knows, of course she knows, that the Force takes as good as it gives. Balance. Balance. She has been given so much following the defeat of Darth Sidious, and she is trying hard to forget the cost. Here in the dusty heat she whispers to herself, while flowing through forms with her golden saber,

“I am one with the force, and the force is one with me.”

Hours flow through her during the course of this meditation, and after a time she finds she is not in the desert anymore. The dune underneath her feet writhes and solidifies, transforming into glittering stone. A roiling cloud has blocked out the suns and she is falling upwards, floating towards the stars. It has taken her off guard, this shift, but it is not unpleasant.

_No_ , she thinks, _Maker not this_. The thrumming, a low-key buzzing, is coming at her. The vibration throughout her body, right out through her toes and fingertips, a hallmark harbinger of _that_ connection, flaring to life.

When the force had started bringing them together, Rey had not wanted to reflect on the fact that while their first interactions had been aggressive, frightening, and confrontational (just as they had been while face to face), they had also been alarmingly sustaining, as though an empty slot, right under her breastbone had been filled. Like finally having a full portion to eat. Like finally slaking your thirst after a day of scaling imperial ruins. There was anger, yes, but no thirst. The rage felt right, filling out her stunted range of emotions. She had always been so careful to deny this,her rage, instead holding onto the hollow promise of hope against hope. The buzzing is intensifying, and Rey tries to resist. There can be no one else. This isn’t real, _force,_ this isn’t real! But cruel force, it is.

“Rey.”

A voice, deep and direct. Not a whisper, as one would suppose, up here in the stars. And she’s still here, on this crystalline platform, in the middle of everywhere. And she can’t breathe, that space under her breast bone throbs in its emptiness, because, yes. _Yes,_ he is here, and he is solid, but he is also not here. He is also gone. Or so she had hoped. So this is how the force is going to play her. It’s done with the gift, and it’s dragging her into the depths of her despair once more.

“Stay back!” She can’t stand to look him in the face. “Don’t come any closer!” Her voice trembles and cracks. He is just the same as he was in the temple on Exegol. No redemption robes for this pseudo-Jedi. He is not flickering with blue, nor does he appear content or wiser for his exodus from the planetary systems. No, he has the nerve to look sad _._ _Sad about what?_ she wonders. He is with his family at last, his sins wiped clean. Whole. Complete. It fills her with rage. Even so, the gaping emptiness she feels from his end is sucking her in. She would have been happy to never have thought of him again. Because thinking...Thinking is a vortex of pain. Remembering is a well of emptiness without a bottom, and she has been so careful not to fall in.

He raises an eyebrow at her now. “Are you not grateful?” She starts at that, as if struck. “Rey. Look at me, Rey. Are you unhappy?” And she does look at him now. She is well past being mortified by the steady stream of tears he has always prompted from her eyes, after all. She can still feel shame for her ingratitude.

“I am empty now.”, she hisses at him, while moving closer. “I am missing a part of my very _self_!” She is trembling at the injustice of it all, at how messed up her own emotions are. He moves to meet her, solid and imposing as ever, and he reaches out a cold thumb to brush a tear from her face. His dark eyes burn into hers, searching so familiarly for what she will not say aloud.

“ _Haskottoi nu_!” She spits at him like venom, having no clue why her Basic has been warped on its way out of her mouth.

Kylo Ren never smiled. Oh no, not him. Ben smiled, and she thought perhaps that she knew him in that smile, as well as she knew Kylo. Now she knows what Kylo’s smile would have been, too. He backs away from her slowly and a wicked thing spreads across his face. His eyes joyless while his teeth flash.

“You feel it too, then.” He says, satisfied. “ _Rey, Nuyak._ ”

On a gasp, the stars dump her back onto the burning sand, and she rolls over, retching. She retracts her saber and curls into a sobbing heap. She lets the pain run its course. 

II

She was going to find force sensitives throughout the galaxy to train, focusing particularly on the lowliest of sorts. The abandoned, orphaned, despairing type. Of course she was. A ray of hope, her friends called her. A Skywalker for the ages, (she had fashioned that deluded fantasy for herself).

Since her vision of Ben she has not had the energy for anything other than waking, getting a little subsistence into her body, and meditating. She could spend all day lying on her cot, and she often does. BB-8 is distraught. She has been sending messages to Poe.

Two weeks later he appears to her again. She is awakened in the cold and pulled upward into the stars, onto that crystalline walkway, and she rallies. For the first time in weeks, she rallies.

“Why do you look like this?” Is her first question, as she gestures over the length of him vaguely. “Aren’t you supposed to be glowing? Why is your shirt still ripped?”

He steps toward her and she is chilled by his smile. Kylo’s smile, again. He reaches out and places a hand on her topmost bun. He rests it there gently at first, and then he begins to grip.It doesn’t hurt. Yet.

“Why do you look like _this?”_ He places his other hand on her hip and smooths it over to her lower belly, slowly, so slowly gliding it higher until he bumps her ribs, until he reaches her small breasts. He allows himself to caress one, and then the other, and Rey is trembling badly now as he drags his hand over and up until his hand is encircling her throat, resting there lightly.

“You look starved.” He says, almost predatory.

“I am starved and it can’t be helped. I told you, I am _empty_. You wouldn’t understand.”

“ _I_ wouldn’t understand?” His grip on her throat is tighter now and the stars seem to dim overhead.

Rey is afraid, but oh, she is filling, swelling at this contact. He isn’t quite cutting off her airflow yet, but he’s getting there, and Rey _wants more_.

He leans in and he dips his head down to nip at her lower lip with those charmingly crooked teeth. He’s gripping her throat so tightly she almost can’t gasp. He holds her there for a minute, bleeding ferocity into the ghost of a bond that remains. 

All at once he releases her, but before she can recover he grabs her painfully by the hips and yanks her lower half to meet his. 

“How _dare_ you, scavenger?” Their bodies are flush and her heart is jumping out of her chest, although she notes that he seems to be lacking a mirroring pulse.

“If I would have known the torment that awaited me, I would have left you lifeless and ended myself there with you." Rey's world tilts on its axis at his words. 

"We are not meant to exist in separate planes, and I reject the force’s notion of _peace_ in the sphere beyond if it means I am without the other half of my soul!” He is growling into her ear, and she’s so aroused and terrified that she can hardly breathe.

“What can we do?” She asks tremulously “You’re dead, and I’m not.”

“ _Dzworokka yun; nyâshqûwai, nwiqûwai.”_ He whispers tenderly now, easing his grip on her hips _._ "I can’t come back, my soul. If we want this to end, you will have to come to me.”

“And we would be together? This feeling…” she says, swallowing hard, placing her hand over her heart, “would go away?”

“Yes, sweetheart. It would. For both of us.”

That night in the heat of her new home she dreams of how it might come to pass. The fantasy gives her a newfound strength. And in her dreams she hears the whispering voices of her ancestors. They murmur to her in dark spaces. They make her feel unhinged. She wakes, feeling better. Her robes hang on her now, and for not the first time in her life, the hollowness in her belly is a comfort. She wanders the dunes for hours, waiting.

III

She finds him once more, in that space between. She has something to take care of.

“Ben, I need…”

“Need what, Rey?”

“I need to not be empty…”

He nods soberly, eyes locked with hers, and-

they know each other, don’t they? 

“ _Scavenger_ …” he breathes as he approaches her, all coiled tension. “You need it, don’t you? What I was always meant to give you." He whispers into her neck as his hands come around her from behind to unknot the drawstrings of her trousers. They are loose and fall away easily, leaving the fine hairs on her legs to stand on edge in the cold of this everywhere place.

“You were always so pretty, Rey. So, so pretty", he mumbles into her hair. He grasps one skeletal wrist and tenderly kisses the blue veins there. Rey is trembling, teeth chattering, muscles tense. She turns quickly before losing her nerve to grip the hem of his tattered sweater and he helps her, lifting it up and over his head, dropping it into nowhere and everywhere. He smiles as she runs her hands across his chest, tracing the edges of scars not yet gone in this realm of eternally unfinished business and unhealed wounds. It is an almost-Ben smile, now.

“And you were beautiful behind that mask.” She responds, lifting her own tunic over her head. She is standing in unremarkable underclothes, her skin hot and prickly.

“You want to feel whole, Rey?” He whispers darkly as he slowly drags the bottom of her panties down, travelling with them to end up kneeling at her feet in the process. His face is level with her dark curls and she is shaking badly, she is starting to throb and swell, and she knows he can feel it too.

“Y-yes. I’ve always wanted this, Ben.” 

“My poor, sweet thing _._ ” He mumbles into the skin of her lower belly. 

“I never gave you this... And I could have…” He is dragging a long finger up the inside of her thigh, lingering near the apex to swirl the moisture he feels gathering there into her skin.

“And you-you never _did_!” She trips out accusingly. 

“I’ll make it right.” He reverently kisses his way lower and lower into her secret space, until he reaches her swollen, glistening lips. He looks up at her with those Ben eyes now, and she nods.

He is on his knees, still gripping her thighs as he burrows his nose into the underside of her cunt, and Rey gasps. She finally gets a grip on that head of hair (how she’s always wanted to grip it!) and grinds down onto his mouth. It’s his turn to moan now as she ungracefully thrusts into him, straddling his face while he remains there on his knees.

Maybe Ben was never going to be the type to lie back and take it, because he leans away abruptly as her movements become more desperate and he pinches the inside of one of her thighs. Hard. She gives a yelp and stumbles back.

“You’re dripping for me Rey.” And she’ll be damned if his eyes aren’t beginning to glow yellow. “I knew you would be like this,” he whispers as he slowly drags one finger across her slit “I knew you would come undone for me, if I had the chance to make you.”

She can barely hold up her weight now, she can barely see straight. And... why was she angry at him the last time she was here? 

“I’m going to fill you up, _jidai’ jen nwit nuyak_. ” He says it like a vow while staring into her glazed eyes and flushed face. “I’m going to make it all go away.” Rey can only nod before he pulls her down and scoops her towards his chest, his hard length pressed up between his belly and hers.

“I should’ve taken you when I had you strapped to that rack, shouldn’t I?” He whispers into her ear while roughly udoing the ties holding her hair. His hands are shaking too, and she can tell that he is holding back, “I should have claimed you before you had a chance to get away.” Rey can only nod frantically, and he reaches out to grip her chin fiercely, forcing her to meet his eyes.

“Tell me you would’ve liked that Rey. Tell me you needed that.”

If she doesn’t, will he still give her what she needs now? If she tells him what she has barely uncovered for herself until so recently, will she finally break? And because he knows her, he doesn’t press the issue. He has no need to force her into looking into herself anymore, not when all she needs to do is look at him to uncover those hidden parts of herself.

He brings her onto the ground with him, and it doesn’t feel hard or cold anymore, it doesn’t feel like anything.

“I should have fucked you then, Rey. I should’ve put a child in you.” 

She is shocked at his words. Confused by how much she needs them. He was always an animal.

“Come here, little scavenger. Little half of my soul.” He scoops her onto his lap, her legs straddling his hips with her slit sliding against the length of him. Rey groans and begins to move, working for friction against him. He stops her cruelly by gripping the sides of her hips again.

“I said I would fill you, Rey”, and he chuckles deeply at the faint wave of frustration she sends him. He doesn’t give her a moment to voice her assent before he positions himself against her dripping entrance and pushes his way in.

There is immense pain at first and Rey cries for a moment, seated in his lap, pressed against his chest, sweating with the effort of remaining perched on top of him, his cock so intrusive as to make her dizzy. Neither of them move while she works through her sobs, they are used to the pain of joining, aren’t they? This is new, but more of the same. 

He cups the side of her face gently while allowing the pain to subside, and there is that Ben-smile. Finally, blessedly.

So slowly, he begins to move, and Rey is at such an angle that she finds herself warming right back up, wanting for nothing. They move gently up and down together, panting, working. She sobs as she moves, her walls beginning to clench. “Don’t leave me!”

He’s working harder now, his thrusts becoming more forceful, his hands digging into her ass.

“Not...gonna...leave.” he growls.

She’s practically bouncing on his lap and she tightens up and releases in waves of starlight as he spends himself into her. He comes while grasping the life out of her, and the pain of his bruising fingers buried into her flesh is so sweet. 

When he is done, he doesn’t move her off of his lap, but shifts so that he remains inside. They lie on their sides wiping silent tears from each others’ faces. They float in this space, breathing together, knowing full well that their joining has shifted the tide of all things.

IV

When she wakes on her mat in the abandoned farmstead, she feels light, she feels weightless. She knows what she has to do, and she finally has the strength to do it.

“Give this message to Finn and Poe”, she tells BB-8, who is as hesitant as a droid can be about Rey's sudden mood shift.

“I’m going on a mission, friend, and I can’t take you with me this time.” She smiles at the droid as she crouches before her dusty round form, gazing into her photoreceptor lens. She hands her a disc and warns her not to peek at it.

“They’ll be here for you shortly. You’ve been a good friend.”

  
They are together now. And while the Force was gracious enough to show Rey the path to that nowhere place, the Force has also not seen fit to allow such a couple to roam the galaxy together, or to share in the joys that await those who rest in the sphere of the peacefully departed. The Force has regrets. Perhaps it was unwise for such a pairing to have manifested in this timeline when they did, so here they shall remain. At least until the galaxy is ready. Here they are unable to be anybody’s last hope or greatest disappointment. They have each other, so they could really care less.


End file.
